heartstrings.. and a pair of scissors

So I visited a few tumblrs (or tumblr blog or whatever you call it) with the usual lovey-dovey quotes/words from heartbroken girls.

and I realised I'm definitely incapable of loving anybody to the extent of missing him/her so much. There's nobody floating in my mind instinctively. It's quite easy to achieve after tons of bad experiences, really. Having people (or a person) on your mind wherever, whenever is absolutely annoying. If it's a one-way kind of thing, that is.

Like some instruction manual, heartless: cut yourself off, don't expect people to be with you forever, don't even think of how your friendship/relationship will be 10 years later. Just live in the moment, don't get disappointed when someone does not care as much for you as you care for them because there is absolutely no use in feeling sad.

Cut, cut, cut away.. and then all you're left with is you, yourself and.. yourself in your own little world. Congratulations, you've achieved independence. I wonder if being self-centered is a side effect? Strangely, I feel abit less self-centered when my mind's thinking straight so everything might lead to an improvement afterall.

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But, like all things in life, it is just a PHASE. That's how I see it at least. It won't mean you'll be heartless forever cause you'll slowly discover what love is all about again - without the fear of being hurt or losing people around you. Lessons from past mistakes will definitely come in handy. I think we can all take the chance to improve ourselves further too.

Only loss is change in personality, I suppose.



That said, I still feel like a completely heartless being. On one hand, it eradicates my extremely emotional moments but on the other hand.. I'm just not sure if it's such a good thing afterall..

I DON'T EVEN SOUND LIKE MYSELF HERE. Not like the girl from the posts a few months ago. But that's how I've been these days, so... I've changed, I guess. I only hope it's temporary.

As much as it makes me feel better, it's quite disgusting to feel inhumane. It's been showing in my dreams too, obviously.